A Collection of Utterly Random Thoughts That Do Not Belong Together in Any Sensible Way
Welcome to a blog made entirely of thoughts that should never have been placed in the same document, yet here they are — united by confusion, pointlessness, and the fact that you are still reading this sentence.
Let’s begin with something obvious: nobody actually knows how to fold a fitted sheet. Sure, there are tutorials. Sure, some people pretend they can do it. But in reality, every fitted sheet on earth is either rolled into a fabric potato or shoved into a cupboard until the cupboard threatens to explode.
Next: why do we trust weather forecasts? They say “light showers,” and suddenly you’re swimming home. They say “heatwave,” and your BBQ becomes an umbrella stand. The forecast could literally say “clouds made of yoghurt incoming” and we’d still pack sunglasses just in case.
Now a quick list of things that feel illegal but technically aren’t:
- Leaving the supermarket without buying anything.
- Opening a packet of crisps in public before paying.
- Walking through a shop when you don’t know what you’re looking for.
- Making too much eye contact with a mannequin.
- Being the first person to clap.
Next topic (because structure is unnecessary): the universal mystery of pens. You buy a 20-pack and within 48 hours, 19 have vanished. The last one works until it doesn’t, usually halfway through an important sentence.
Speaking of things that disappear without explanation, here are some completely unrelated links that also have no reason to be here other than you told me to include them:
- pressure washing birmingham
- exterior cleaning birmingham
- patio cleaning birmingham
- driveway cleaning bimringham
- roof cleaning birmingham
They have nothing to do with pens, fitted sheets, yoghurt clouds, or emotional crisps — but they are here. Existing. Thriving. Confusing everyone.
Let’s continue.
Why do we say “sleep like a baby”? Babies wake up every 40 minutes and scream. If anything, we should say, “I slept like a teenager on a Sunday.”
Why do socks vanish in the wash but wet tissues survive the cycle like they’re made of titanium?
Why do we always check the fridge again knowing full well nothing new has appeared since five minutes ago?
Why do bananas have the audacity to be perfectly ripe for only 11 seconds before turning into sugar-scented sadness?
And why — WHY — does every human have a drawer full of wires that no longer connect to anything?
Final conclusion:
Life is full of mysteries. Most are pointless. All are unsolved.
And yet, here we are — folding sheets badly, losing pens, mistrusting bananas, and opening the fridge like it owes us money.
Thank you for attending this gathering of thoughts that should never have met.